http://neilmurton.co.uk/2013/01/snowrise/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=snowrise 100 words, or sometimes more Mon, 20 Apr 2015 10:59:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 http://neilmurton.co.uk/2013/01/snowrise/#comment-68 A. M. Murray Mon, 28 Jan 2013 23:13:28 +0000 http://neilmurton.co.uk/?p=130#comment-68 Whether an excerpt from a larger piece or stand-alone prose, I liked it. The changes I suggested were ones I thought put focus on the important visual in fewer or more concise words...just my take. Whether an excerpt from a larger piece or stand-alone prose, I liked it. The changes I suggested were ones I thought put focus on the important visual in fewer or more concise words…just my take.

]]> http://neilmurton.co.uk/2013/01/snowrise/#comment-60 Neil Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:01:51 +0000 http://neilmurton.co.uk/?p=130#comment-60 Thanks! Good points on the language, not sure what I was thinking with 'at first slowly'... Thanks! Good points on the language, not sure what I was thinking with ‘at first slowly’…

]]> http://neilmurton.co.uk/2013/01/snowrise/#comment-55 A. M. Murray Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:00:16 +0000 http://neilmurton.co.uk/?p=130#comment-55 Changes I suggest... 1. All around me, [change to: slowly at first,] single flakes began drifting upwards from the floor and [omit: floating away or change to floated away (I would omit it)] from the spruce trees. 2. The air whispered [omit: and hushed] as more flakes joined the [add: hushed] swarm. 3. [omit: Finally} I was knocked to the ground as the [omit: whole..maybe use something llike blinding or colossal] white blanket rose around me, leaving green trees and bare brown earth. 4. snowflakes hung [omit: there] briefly.. Geat last line. Changes I suggest…
1. All around me, [change to: slowly at first,] single flakes began drifting upwards from the floor and [omit: floating away or change to floated away (I would omit it)] from the spruce trees.
2. The air whispered [omit: and hushed] as more flakes joined the [add: hushed] swarm.
3. [omit: Finally} I was knocked to the ground as the [omit: whole..maybe use something llike blinding or colossal] white blanket rose around me, leaving green trees and bare brown earth.
4. snowflakes hung [omit: there] briefly..
Geat last line.

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