Wishes

In an old oil lamp, passed down to me by my uncle, lives the world’s most rubbish genie.

I wasn’t asking for much… just wealth, power and for Scarlett Johansson to find me stunningly attractive.

What did I get? The phone number of a decent tailor and a book about getting a work ethic.

“What do you call that?” I asked.

“Everything you need,” he said. “What more do you want?”

“Money! Respect! Scarlett Johansson wearing something red and slinky!”

“Just like that?”

“Yes!”

He looked at me. “Kid, I granted your wishes. You want miracles, go talk to Jesus.”