They told me I was a pioneer. They told me I was charting new frontiers, expanding human civilisation to new stars.
They didn’t tell me I wouldn’t be able to make a decent cup of coffee in the whole damn trip.
“Goddammit!”
“What is it?” Katie asked.
“Milk,” I said. “Maybe it’s the engines. Maybe it’s the grav condensers. But something on this damn ship turns every bit of milk into this.”
I emptied the goo into the sink. It went splot.
“Yeah, you can’t use milk here.” She handed me another carton. “In space, no-one can. Here, use cream.”
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Yes, that was entirely for the punchline. I’m not even sure if I made it up or if I’ve remembered it from somewhere. Google says I’m certainly not the first one to make the gag, though possibly the first to drag it out for 100 words.